Just give her the Emmy or the Oscar, whichever comes first.

I know, I know...

It's been a while. I've been busy, OK? I'm moving to California tomorrow to jump-start my new career as a restaurant manager, so give me some slack.

Uhhhh if you're like me and didn't get a chance to watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend, please CLICK HERE and watch it! The incomparable Betty White hosted, and some of the funniest women ever (Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, and Ana Gasteyer) co-starred... In a word, it's unreal.

Please find 46 minutes to watch this! Betty White was incredible, yes, but the other special guests were awesome, too!

Good old Mariah is at it again! She recently received a major award for her role in the movie Precious, and instead of accepting the accolade with grace and class, Ms. Carey boozed it up and stumbled her way through an attempt at an acceptance speech.

Good for a quick laugh. I mean, let's be honest: if I was as fierce as MC and had money to throw around and awards shows to go to, I'd have probably done the same thing.

Photo of the Day

At last night's Royal Variety Performance in Blackpool, England, The Queen her self showed up to catch some of the performances and meet some of the stars. Notable American celebrities who presented themselves to The Queen included Whoppi Goldberg, Bette Midler, Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga. See below.

Interesting photo, eh?

Team Jacob or Team Edward?

Just for the record, I'm Team Jacob all the way. Robert Pattinson, though very attractive in a brooding, sexy, I'll suck your blood way, just doesn't hold a flame to Taylor Lautner.

At Bandera, the tablecloths are covered with a new piece of butcher paper for each party that's seated. Whenever there are kids at the tables, we give them some crayons so they can draw or do whatever kids do on the tables. The other night, one little girl left the following note on her table paper:

"Team Jacob! Because real men don't glitter."

What a hilarious statement! I did some research on this whole "real men don't glitter thing," and found out that there are not only websites dedicated to the Jacob/Edward debate, but you can also get lipgloss, t-shirts, and coffee mugs, among other things.

Noooooo!

According to UsWeekly (via Dlisted), former Crush of the Day (and my favorite star of Glee) Mark Salling is hooking up with Audrina Patridge. Gross! He is way too hot/talented/amazing/MINE for her to be messing with that business...

PS--if you haven't yet watched Glee, please please PLEASE watch an episode. I don't care which one. You'll be hooked! It's an amazing show.

Image via Dlisted.

How Fun!

Elle magaine's website has this fun new feature where you can vote on Adam Lambert's best looks! For example, which eye makeup scheme do you prefer in the above picture?

Check it out!

DWTS Live!!!

I decided to liveblog the results show of Dancing With The Stars. Mostly because my favorite dancer to ever grace the stage, Sabrina Bryan, was performing in the "Design A Dance" contest. Amazing.

Here it is!

Liveblogging Dancing With The Stars

01 omg i am so excited! only five stars left! and performances by michael buble, susan boyle, and SABRINA BRYAN!

02 encore dance: Joanna and Derek’s futuristic paso doble... pretty crazy. and totally amazing choreography. derek’s hair looks awesome.

04 this paso has everything! it’s so awesome. Hough Hefner and his girlfriends are in the audience.

04 last night’s leader board

50 aaron & karina, donny & kym

51 kelly & louis

52 joanna & derek

59 mya & dmitry loving dmitry’s pornstache. he rocks it.

07 let’s get some results! first couple safe for the semi-final: joanna & derek. duh. aaron carter looks nervous, dmitry looks hot!

09 ps so you think you can dance is on also... mary murphy is amazing!

12 kelly: i love you, louis van amstel. awwww so cute!

15 michael buble! who is gonna be dancing? it would be great if he was better looking, because i definitely think he’s talented and love his sound. jonathan, maks (looking hot, duh), cheryl, and anna d.

18 the pro dancers are so talented! they make it look so easy and fun.

18 jane seymour in the audience. she’s fierce.

19 next week each couple will do three dances!

20 the next couple safe: mya & dmitry. again, duh.

21 amazing! sabrina is explaining the design-a-dance: we picked her out of sixteen stars, chose the paso doble, the song (“eye of the tiger”) and designed the costume! i can’t wait.

25 dance center with kenny mayne. funny. joanna is hot, donny is excited and energetic.

27 bruno and donny having an affair? dumb. aaron “rapped with Shaq” and he’s a crybaby. sooooo gay. no, really, soooooo gay. and they’re totally calling him out.

28 OMG it’s happening! and she’s dancing with mark OF COURSE!!! this is heaven.

30 costumes are pretty hideous. but sabrina has it ALL! she is so into mark again; their chemistry is unbeatable.i bet mark is so excited to be dancing with someone so competent again.

31 wow! killer choreography! totally crazy. the best two minutes of my life thus far. jane seymour is stunned.

34 michael buble doing “feeling good.” amazing song... hahaha i once did a dance to this choreographed by will angulo!

39 the next couple safe: donny & kym. that means that aaron carter might be going home. :(

45 susan boyle. i am nervous about this. it’s sooo strange! the crowd is going WILD! i mean, i get it that she has a nice voice, but i just don’t get it.

46 at least tony is dancing during this hellish moment. awww and he’s dancing with chelsie! that’s cute. ok this is old.

47 i think this is just a big joke. but tony and chelsie are dancing their faces off!!! he is so strong; very sexy. i wish

48 i wish he had his shirt off. susan boyle gives me and kim the willies. she has a debut album coming out? oh christ. now more dance center.

50 mya is an accomplished dancer, they’re right. and kelly cusses like a sailor, which i like.

53 dance center pics mya as the winner! interesting... i think she will win too.

54 time to find out who is eliminated... my heart is beating so fast! ugh, commercial break

58 ok let’s find out who’s going home... nervous! aaron and karina. BOOOO!!! i love aaron carter!!!

00 awwww len’s speech to aaron! so cute! i am tearing up!

Happy Birthday / Hit It or Quit It: Nick Lachey

Today is the 36th birthday of former boybander / former reality TV star / brother of former Dancing With The Stars all-star Drew Lachey / former celebrity Nick Lachey.

Happy Birthday, Nick! But one question remains... Hit it or quit it?

Side note: the picture above is actually one of my favorite celebrity editorial photos... I just like the vibe.

Famous People Are Crazy, Pt. 1

In the semifinals of the US Open this past weekend, Serena Williams (probably a favorite to win the tournament) was playing Kim Clijsters, who just came back from a 28-month maternity leave. Early in the first set, Serena was docked a point for slamming her racket against the court, a big no-no in the always-classy sport of tennis. Later in the second set, Kim found herself up 6-5, trying to break Serena to make it to the finals. At 15-30, Serena was called for a foot fault; she then freaked out, approached the lineswoman who called her foot fault, and apparently threatened her in a very unsportsmanlike way. Anyhow, the lineswoman, the chair umpire, and the tournament director all quickly came together and docked Serena another point for unsportsmanlike conduct, thus giving Kim two points (one for the foot fault, one for the unsportsmanlike conduct call), and the win. CRAZY!

I guess my description wasn't completely necessary, because you can see it all in the clip below...

This is bizzare.

What actually happens in this video?  I'm not sure...  It's hottie Zachary Quinto walking his dog with a man dressed as a ribeye steak, tripping, freaking out about his sunglasses, and sort of getting pissed at the paparazzi.  At least, that's my take on it.  

BREAKING NEWS!!

Stop the presses!!!

Prepare to be shocked!!!

I hope you are sitting down!!!

American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert is gay!!!

At least, that's what he's telling Rolling Stone.

Guess which one I like best...

Tabloid Prodigy has a photo list of celebrities who resemble famous statues.  It's clever.

Dancers are people too!

I missed this on Dancing With The Stars this season, and I'm pissed!  Luckily for me (and you), YouTube has got the gold again, providing us with this important public service announcement (featuring a cute Derek Hough, a hot Mark Ballas, and a stunningly sexy Tony Dovolani).

I can't wait!!!

How fabulous!  This has to be the fantasy of millions of gays out there...

Christina Aguilera, already signed on to star in her first feature film, Burlesque, will have Cher as a costar!  That's right, Xtina and Cher in the same movie, and it's about burlesque dancing.  Pretty great, right?

Not too many other details exist, but the movie should be released sometime in 2011.  I can't wait!

Image via DListed.

Brad Pitt in Fight Club...

The question is this: was Brad's role in Fight Club the best/sexiest he has ever looked?  I think so, and so does Spicy.  Check out her commentary and a few photos of brad circa 1999, around the time that Fight Club came out.

A few pics to get you motivated...

Who wants to date LezLo/Blowhan/LL/Firecrotch?

I have to admit, Lindsay Lohan knows how to keep herself relevant.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Just for laughs...

Amy Winehouse's vacation life continues in St. Lucia.  Recently she's been riding horses and looking like a total junkie.  Not much new in her life...

Anyhow, this picture isn't of anything important or newsworthy, but it's just funny.  Right?

Xtina has never left!!!

What a fierce pic!  I am so excited for Christina Aguilera's next album, due to drop this summer.   ???

I'm not sure what this pic is for, but it's great!!!

Things Paris Loves...

Great clip.  She loves a lot of things, right?

Thanks to Kim for the tip!  Loves it.